I needed to come back to an outlet where I can express myself freely. Sometimes social media gets confusing and I don’t need everyone asking me what’s wrong and giving unsolicited advice. Physically, I can no longer handle this stress. It’s like I keep yelling and no one hears. I wear too many hats, including those of others, to just try to keep things flowing and to help. Being helpful is in my nature because I don’t like to see anyone down and out. I am not seeing that others have to learn on their own just like I had to.
So some things have happened in my life and dramatic changes were made. I’d rather not express it all here because it would do nothing but stir up my anxiety and make me say fuck it all, again.
Right now, I have found a place of inner peace. I have removed emotion to be able to think clearly and make the appropriate decisions based on what’s best for myself and my daughter.
Soooo….here’s a top 10 list of lessons I’ve learned:
1. Love yourself first. I know that this should be a no-brainer, but it is so easy to forget to do this.
2. Know when to walk away. We always try to fix things that are broken instead of taking it as a sign to just pick up our marbles and head home. We have to realize and understand that things do come to an end. Just find peace in the ending.
3. Emotions cloud logic. You really cannot think when you are angry or hurt. In that moment, you act irrationally and make some mistakes. Walking away and letting everything simmer down before making a rash decision is the best way to avoid problems later on.
4. Growing up is painful, yet necessary. “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” – I Corinthians 13:11
5. Set boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should and should not allow or settle for. Don’t let anyone do anything to make you uncomfortable.
6. Don’t trust everyone. Everyone is around does not have your best interests at heart. It is up to you to practice discernment in these situations.
7. Revenge tastes sweet, but success tastes better. It goes along with what I said earlier about removing emotion from logic. Allow yourself to get better at whatever it is that you do. You can always get back at someone by hurting them. That’s easy. Yet, it’ll hurt them more when they see you doing better without them. Let them revel in your awesomeness and take satisfaction in that. Don’t let anyone take anything from you. That lets them win.
8. After a while, you have to just stop trying. Don’t beat a dead horse.
9. Cut anyone and anything off that causes unnecessary problems. No matter who they are. I am around people who I know hate me, but why continue to be a glutton for punishment? You don’t have to interact with people just because you are related to them. Just leave them alone and continue with live. You’ll see great improvement in your life.
10. Never allow yourself to be broken the same way twice. Just as a bone that breaks grows back stronger, so should you.
As an adult, we are supposed to live up to a certain image or follow a certain blueprint and if we don’t, we are deemed or labeled as, “lazy”, “incompetent”, a dreamer. I know that I am not all of those things except lazy every Tuesday. :-p
I guess I’ll tell you want inspired me to write this.
Seriously, if there is one thing I’ve learned is that there is no true sympathy. It is only temporary. After a while “It’s gonna be alright” turns into “Get over it.” We all have been through it many times. I am going through it now. I am tired of being deprived in many aspects of life. It is so easy to loathe and wallowing in self pity instead of looking yourself in the eye and admitting that you are doing something wrong. We end up putting ourselves in certain circumstances and we should be able to get ourselves out.
So far 2012 has definitely been a shaky year for me. I have had many experiences and revelations. I have learned about myself just by observing others. There is a voice inside of me and it has been fighting with me to come out. My life, because of that, has been a bit rocky and confusing. I find myself speaking up for myself, becoming careless and emotional, yet at the same time I am focused and ready to roll. I am understanding my place in life and where to begin to step out of certain situations. Continue reading
I always end up finding myself with something to say. Sometimes I feel that this blog is just a bunch of random mumbo jumbo. But I enjoy everyone who has subscribed or just reads it in general. The comments are great. I like discussing things and right now, I’ve been so isolated that I don’t know how to properly interact with people anymore. I internalize so much that I do not accurately know how to talk about things or dosplay affection properly. That’s part of my goals next year. To get out & live.
IDK. Just randomly talking….
9: Completion. Spirituality. Humanitarianism. Conflict.
1: beginning. rebirth. God. drive. independence.
Since this year is coming to an end, I think it’s only appropriate that I reflect a bit. I can wait until December, but I’d rather not (besides, I can’t sleep anyway). Now, I believe in divination and I have been reading a lot on it. I started reading about numerology and did my numbers. I checked the number of my life and this is a 9 year for me. So many things have happened. I have found myself and lost myself only to find myself again. Pretty much, I’ve been everywhere. But I’m starting to center. Next year is 1 which is beginnings and rebirth. I have backtracked the numbers to times and my life and I must say…THEY DO NOT LIE!
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