So, I’m listening to my slow jams playlist with a candle filled with my energy from meditation is burning. My mind actually is starting to be at peace, even with my daughter playing with her laptop and my boyfriend trying to show her the moon outside. Lately, I have been stressing about my weight, finances, living situation, etc. and I decided to just meditate under the full moon. I am a believer in astrology, numerology, astronomy, etc. I have been ever since I was little girl. I believe that we really don’t know nor appreciate the way the universe affects us. Yet, at the same time, we place our faith in other things than ourselves. We can pray for miracles and wait all day instead of praying and being led to them. There are signs all around us. Sometimes they come as failures, other times they come in the form of people. Lately, I’ve ignored everything else and just listened to what was being said to me. I have learned to be confident in my decisions and to live life without being scared. I need to depend on myself more than I have been because I am capable of great things. At this point in life, I am turning 25 and I know that there is no reason to be afraid of anyone and their opinions because most people do not know or care about you anyway. There will always be someone somewhere who supports you one day and doesn’t care about you the next. No need to hold on to people who things who do not want to be around, hinder you or hurt you.
Writing saves me from going crazy. It puts my reality in front of me without ever asking, The words express every and anything I ever wanted to utter. They are real. They communicate my emotions better. I love it. When I write while being depressed, my feelings are released. When I am happy, the expression is endless. It’s like any weight I was carrying was lifted off of my soul and I can express myself without feeling judged. Writing has saved my life over a dozen times.
It is always my luck to get sick at the absolute worst times. During Blogelina’s week for us to comment on others blogs (and I found quite a few gems!), I got sick, started school, got my daughter sick and got stressed. So that meant no exercising. GAH! Sometimes life makes you want to quit. It really does, but I have my will to not do so.
This is what I want to leave you with today (sorry this post is super short): If you fall off the wagon, get back on and kick the horses’ ass. We are all much stronger than what we appear.
I posted a blog on my fitness journal blog that I wanted to share. It pretty much summed up my feelings.
Look in the mirror. Ask yourself “Who are you?” If you don’t know who are, how could your dreams come true? – 50 Cent
Self discovery is definitely something that is necessary no matter where you are in life. I have realized that we often get bogged down with what we should be instead of who we are. I kept looking in the past and actually regretting the opportunities I didn’t take, the mistakes I made, the situations I should have avoided…and I realized that the book needs to close. Today is a new day. Yesterday is in the past. Learning from the past is the key. You can’t keep beating yourself up. Not at all. No book, therapist, friend, etc. can tell you about yourself. You have to get to know that person. Once you know who you are, life is much easier. Accept yourself and change what you want for YOU.
*When I write, I’m actually talking to myself.*
I’ve pretty much had to reset my life. I had a daughter to I have to learn how to balance a schedule. I had to essentially to start my graphic design business all over because I was overzealous in what I was doing and neglected it. I stopped internet marketing because I got lost. I essentially lost myself in trying to do to much and had to give up. It took for me to look at my plate and realize that I had failed..and it’s ok.
As a child, my mom pretty much beat perfection into me. If it wasn’t perfect or going as planned, I was to abandon it. I finally woke up and realized that the only failure is not trying. If something did not go as planned, then it’s up to you to figure out why and re-route what you’re doing. Sometimes we aren’t supposed to be dabbling in things but I know that you can never know without trying. There are really no excuses for failure.
Pretty much, all I’m trying to say is that if you believe you are failing, re-assess what you’re doing and why it’s not working. You can only call yourself a failure if you never try.