Rant & Rambling – 3.26.15

I needed to come back to an outlet where  I can express myself freely. Sometimes social media gets confusing and I don’t need everyone asking me what’s wrong and giving unsolicited advice. Physically, I can no longer handle this stress. It’s like I keep yelling and no one hears. I wear too many hats, including those of others, to just try to keep things flowing and to help. Being helpful is in my  nature because I don’t like to see anyone down and out. I am not seeing that others have to learn on their own just like I had to.

When I get caught in a tough spot and reach for help, little to no responses come. It’s like screaming in a dark empty room. I expect too much from others and don’t give enough to myself. I neglect the things that I should be doing to help others. It’s hard to say no because you don’t want to be seen as the bad guy or selfish, but you do need to be selfish from time to time.You need to do things for yourself. You need to replenish your energy. Being too nice gets you walked on and left without. I know from experience. The best thing you can do from some people is leave them alone. They can’t learn with someone who is always fixing their problems.

I used to be a bit more outspoken but when I noticed how powerful my voice really is, I drew back. I didn’t want to rock boats or lose people around. But I look around now. The same people I was worried about losing have already left. You have to grow past people. I never feared that I was inadequate or couldn’t obtain my goals. I feared reaching them and leaving people behind. You have to though. You really have to. You are the company you keep.

I am responsible for myself and my daughter. NO ONE ELSE! and no one else is responsible for us (except her dad). At this point, my actions are reflections of myself and dictate her well-being. I have to do better for her. If that means picking up, changing my number and going off of the grid, so be it. Some people see it as selfish. I see it as self preservation.

All I’m really trying to get out is: take care of yourself and don’t let people run over you.

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