9: Completion. Spirituality. Humanitarianism. Conflict.
1: beginning. rebirth. God. drive. independence.
Since this year is coming to an end, I think it’s only appropriate that I reflect a bit. I can wait until December, but I’d rather not (besides, I can’t sleep anyway). Now, I believe in divination and I have been reading a lot on it. I started reading about numerology and did my numbers. I checked the number of my life and this is a 9 year for me. So many things have happened. I have found myself and lost myself only to find myself again. Pretty much, I’ve been everywhere. But I’m starting to center. Next year is 1 which is beginnings and rebirth. I have backtracked the numbers to times and my life and I must say…THEY DO NOT LIE!
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I have seen both life & death in 7 months. I found out someone I knew had passed suddenly and I never had a clue. I marched and protested for things that I believe in. I haven’t been in my own house in the past almost 2 months. My family has gone through some major issues. I have went through a dire emotional phase. I have felt things in my spirit and had supernatural experiences I cannot explain. Friendships have ended and have sparked again. I have felt a greater need to help people and I have been. Everything is ending and I know it. By ending, I mean it has run its course and it is time for rebirth.
This year has been a wreck on me emotionally, but I have learned so much about myself such as the strength I possess. A friend of mine told me that she could not still be standing if she had even went through a quarter of the things I did. I doubt myself. I have learned that I am overly humble, which is a problem. I possess talents I didn’t even know I had and was confident in things I had no clue about. This person who I “am” is ending. I am Me. I AM. My mind has been allllll over the place, but now I understand. I’m grasping things I never saw before.
We are all built stronger than we appear. We just have to live fearlessly regardless. We cannot be afraid to say things that we are thinking or believe in things that we doubt ourselves. No. We just have to be. It is the easiest yet most complex thing we could ever do as people simply because we are affected by many variables. Just feel whatever you say and do. We have senses for a reason. They all work together. The most important thing we possess is our soul.
With next year being that year of rebirth or beginnings for me personally, that means this year I have to let go. I know it may seem silly, but it’s true. I hold to so many negative feelings and people that I hinder my own self. If anything, I have been shown that you are more powerful than you know. There is a lot locked up inside of you that you can never unlock until you look deep inside of who you are and extract your core. Folks talk about ascending and vibrations….that is true. BUT don’t let anyone influence you. Influence yourself. If you believe in poop, then that is you. If you stand fast in something, NO ONE should EVER be able to turn you away from it. PERIOD. But so many of us are sheep and just wandering aimlessly to the first shepherd in platinum clothing. There is no such thing as a savior. WE ARE THE SAVIORS!
WE are responsible for mankind. WE are responsible for the children. Hell, WE’RE responsible for the disproportionate wealth distribution. WE have to fight and take back our rights as a people. Yet we have to first find out WHO we are. You can’t find it in a book or a man in a robe. It is in you. It is you. A lion does not think he is a housecat until someone turns him into a housecat. BUT he will reach deep into himself to find that he is a lion. That is when his “owners” get scared & try to put his ass to sleep. But it’s the same thing. People get scared when you recognize, know & acknowledge WHO you are because their power over you is gone.
*E X H A L I N G D E E P L Y*
This is where I get off track. LOL. But seriously, look around. This is hell. We don’t belong here. Your spirit tells you that. People don’t die just to die. Their spirits leave to either come back or protect those who need it. I was told dreams are just thoughts in your head, but when I have dreams that literally come true and NOT because I constantly thought about it, I know there’s more. There has always been. Dreams, in my opinion, are our way to communicate with the spirit world. Meditation is a gateway. We need to cleanse ourselves and be careful because there are evil ones out there who possess us when we vibrate low and manifest our deepest fears….(BTW: To those people who believe in 2012, SHUT UP!). It is a very deep spiritual war going on. We just have to be ready.
Now, next year, do I know what is going to happen? Nope. Am I positive about this rebirth? Yep. Why? I FEEL IT! I’ve felt it for a long time. Nothing will happen unless you make it. At 14, my life year was 1. I was graduating form 8th grade and going into high school. I made new friends and started on a new path. NO LIES! The only thing was I brought baggage I should’ve let go. It did NOTHING but hinder me. I have learned that. The karma I had created returned, both good & bad. The thing is I must let go of what is holding me down. I was not made to be stationary. I was born to fly amongst the birds. I was created from water to flow like a river, not be as placid as a lake. I was made to evolve and grow. A tree does not hold on to its leaves. It sheds them so new ones can grow in their place. When it is their time, they stop making leaves and wither, but leave seeds to be planted. (NOTE: THAT WAS A METAPHOR.)
I do want to leave this rather long and random entry with this: Feel fearlessly. Love without conviction. Help without content and malice in your heart. Live. If you have a vision, make it come true. Just be.
[CHM, EI, & RGS: You will be forever missed.]