Sooo…it’s been a while since I really blogged…Things have changed…Not to drastically. I enrolled into college after 2 1/2 years of being out of school. I took all of that time to discover and embrace who I am….In some places it worked while it failed in some ways. A lot of my friends are on their last leg and it’s kind alike I have to play catch-up. I kinda don’t see it that way. I see it as I’m 2 steps ahead because I got some sense of freedom and now I can go into the real world. I don’t have any regrets nor shame. That’s something else I’ve been learning….Pride. Not arrogance, but taking pride in yourself via the way you carry yourself. If you can’t take yourself seriously, then who can? I just want to be happy.
I’ve been doing some reflecting through conversations with friends, observing people and the way they work, and kinda living. It’s true: your only enemy is yourself. You make your own rules. I have a different circle of people I run with, different mindsets, different ways of doing things. It’s just different. People are always going to grow and change because that’s what we do, however it’s HOW we do it. If you get a little freedom after you go away from your parents, but you put on this facade, you are NOT growing in a positive way. I know someone who is hopping from school to school because she wants freedom and is pretty much living a double life. She is doing all of this stuff but wants to appear as an angel towards her parents. You know why? Because she’s doing and being the person her parents WANT her to be, NOT who she is. My mother and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, but she has ALWAYS supported every decision I made and tried to talk me out of the bad ones because she knows I’m my own person. She has always allowed me to express certain opinions and as I got older, it was more of a respect thing. You have to teach and give respect for your child to be able to understand the same.
I look at soo many people in my graduating class and see all of the babies/pregnant folk. I’m not judging because I was born out of wedlock, but a few years ago, you would swear up and down this wasn’t your future. You were into morality and church…Hmm…Now you paint a different picture. For the people that became a little popular after high school because they went somewhere they could build their own identity or they did a complete 180, they paint a different picture. I believe every piece you put out of yourself is who you are. You want to be known, but you SWEAR you didn’t have to change. You weren’t all wild in high school, but hey if that’s you now, I don’t have to like it. Just like you don’t have to like me. However, don’t be upset when you see your life going down the drain because you chose to blow up who are on a superficial merit.
I look back at my Facebook picture and I recall the night. It was kinda right after graduation (the day, not the ceremony). I remember all of the people who were there and the night we had. Fast forward 3 years….one is dead, many of us don’t talk to one another, and for everyone else, we’re so out of touch because we’ve decided to develop our own lives. I’m definitely one of those people who cherishes friendships, but you have to let some go to grow. If it’s hurting you, it’s not worth it. Plain and simple. Yet, people like to uphold images and whatnot rather than just call a spade a spade. *sigh*
All I’m pretty much saying is that be who you are and learn from your mistakes. Don’t dwell on the past. Don’t put on a mask. Grow in a positive way without losing yourself somewhere down the road.